


so, he kept on going.

by itsbixbybxtch



Category: Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse (2018)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Peter Benjamin Parker Needs a Hug, actually it's not that happy it's just kind of hopeful i suppose, i love him so much ahh
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-15
Updated: 2019-01-15
Packaged: 2019-10-10 03:13:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 495
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17417966
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/itsbixbybxtch/pseuds/itsbixbybxtch
Summary: Peter Benjamin Parker was tired. He was utterly and very much exhausted, but there's not much one can do when you're the hope of the people in the hopeless city of New York.





	so, he kept on going.

**IT WAS HIS FIRST MURDER.**

     It was his first murder, his first kill that changed everything he thought he knew about himself.

     Sometimes he would wonder if he was doing the correct thing, the right thing back then. 

_Did the man deserve to die? If he could go back, would he still kill him? Did he regret what he did-_

_No,_ he reassured himself like everytime that question came up _. No, he did not regret his decision to kill him on that dark rainy night at the dimly lit old alleyway in New York. And no, he did not feel guilty or regretful of his actions whatsoever. No, no, **no**._

     He never thought he was capable - capable of something so...  _dark_. It was like black ink being poured into perfectly clear, transparent water and dirtying it into a dark inky mess. A stain in a shirt that you could never wash out, much like the opaque red liquid that would haunt his hands forever whenever he looked at them. 

     He sighed to himself, pushing the thoughts away and only focusing on the city in front of him. He ignored the wind lashing at his face even with his mask on and just looked.

     Noir always thought that bare faces always show too much emotions, especially eyes with the 'eyes are the windows to your soul' thing going on. He didn't ~~want~~ need the burden of of those emotions just to make him human. He was a human being, emotionless or not.

     Emotions made you slow and gullible. With his monochromatic world of the harsh reality of war with corpses lining street as if they were christmas decorations and the sound of gunshots every few minutes, there was no time to be slow or hesitate - there were only those who survive and those who don't.

     So, he bought the leather gloves.

     So, he learned to push all those emotions away. Push all the feeling of guilt, hopelessness, sadness, disappointment, and all the negative thoughts into the dark corner of his mind where he would forget about. Even the positive ones - happiness, excitement, joy, laughter - he pushed away into the corner and down they disappeared into the void of lost and unfinished thoughts.

     So, he put on a mask where no one can look in but only out of.

     But Noir was tired. He was tired of seeing the bloodstains on his hands whenever he took his gloves off, tired of pushing everything into the corners of his mind, tired off a mask he rarely took off... He was utterly and very much exhausted.

     And that thought scared him.

**_There were only those who survive and those who don't._ **

     But he couldn't be tired or exhausted, not unless the war is finally over and the Nazis become just a flicker of memory in history. There were people who need to be saved, _people who see him as hope in a hopeless city._

So, he kept on going.

**Author's Note:**

> hopefully i did noir justice while writing this. thank you for reading!


End file.
